HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
