but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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