there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
