Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
