i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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