I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
