guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
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