I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she told me i tasted like america
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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