I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
