OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
