i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
