every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
