brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
