i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
