just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
