He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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