It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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