he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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