so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
