I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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