my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
