I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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