so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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