We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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