it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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