My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
