I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
