He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
