Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
