girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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