I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
