hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
