3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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