Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
