he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she told me i tasted like america
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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