meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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