Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
