Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
