Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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