I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
