My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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