I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
