Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
