I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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