This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
did i walk over a car last night?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
