Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
