But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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