are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
