Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
