Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
